9/15/09
I’m chillin’ with my homies from FD Idaho after our first day on the water. The hours I invested since last year paddling in my kayak made a huge difference in my physical skills and confidence on the pond today. I was easily able to do everything the instructors asked of us. What a fight that was last year, struggling to move my boat around the pond, feeling all tipsy turvy. Today I was right in the fray, keeping up with the counselors and returning campers. Feeling completely in control of my boat as we played a spirited game of kayak water polo felt so rewarding. I started some roll practice with Hyou, who is E’s husband. He became a roll instructor in the year since he and E attended FD couples camp together. Now both of them are here as Campselors. When FD alums become skilled enough kayakers, they can transition into being counselors for first year campers. Perhaps some day I will be able to do that?
*****
Initially, when we got back to the base house, I felt energized. In minutes, fatigue set in. I crashed for a half hour. I woke up hungry and there were snacks set out, but I could smell the pond on my skin. After a refreshing hot shower, I felt awake and ready to munch.
As I was finishing my snack Smelly announced, “We have set up a slack line outside, you are welcome to come out and give it a try.”
I was one of the last people to arrive. Smelly and some of the volunteers had strung a one-inch flat nylon webbing slack line between two trees. Several of the campers and staff members were taking turns walking across, assisted by a steadying aide on both sides.
“NoMo, are you going to try it?” Thrifty, a volunteer from Utah asked.
“I’ll watch for a while.” I sat remembering a ropes course I was forced to attend at a team-building day in the job I worked at before my brain cancer diagnosis. I didn’t like the company. The corporate culture unequivocally communicated that employees were not valued and then on team building day we were all supposed to forget the abuse and act grateful. I had been scared of heights since I was 8 years old. When my turn to walk the tight rope came up, I refused. I was belayed from four sides, but I couldn’t trust the intent of that community’s leadership.
This afternoon, I stood up, feeling calm confidence in the people ready to help me keep my balance on my walk across the slack line. Even with the micro adjusting balance issues that most brain tumor survivors experience after surgery, I made it back and forth several times. After I finished, I watched in amazement while Smelly crossed several times without assistance, squatted down on one leg while holding the other out, stood back up, pivoted around to face the other direction, jumped up and then landed back on the line. She’s quite the stud. Almost all of the campers ended up trying. Some were even able to take a few steps without assistance. Many of the counselors were at least able to walk across unassisted, and some were able to do some of the tricks smelly had shown us.
“Balance,” Fro explained to our group, “is one of the most important skills in Kayaking. Slack line practice really helps on the river.”
Dinner was replete with great food, in the form of vegetarian and meat lasagna donated by a local FD supporter. First Descents networks with the local kayaking community before camps so the food in many of the camps is almost completely donated. This allows the organization to spend more on providing camp experiences to survivors. The fact that neither of the founders is paid for their work with First Descents stretches donations even further. At the campfire I took off my sandals, warmed my feet and stole glances at the gorgeous sky. Beemer, the lead counselor looked around and asked the group, “What are your goals for this camp.” Around the campfire, a lot of individuals connected with wanting to complete rolls, wet rescues or combat rolls, but collectively we all wanted to have a fun week.
I said, “I want to roll. I want to keep facing challenges and overcoming my fears.” I shared my process of deciding to slack line earlier in the afternoon, and then said, “ I feel like I can trust you all. I felt that at last year’s First Descents camp too. And in the year between then and now, I have been able to do things I never imagined doing. Last month I went zip lining in Guatemala. I’ve been terrified of heights since I was 8, but I figured, hell, zip lining is really pretty safe, the fear of heights is all in my mind.
I’ve been whitewater kayaking. There’s some real risk in that.”
I’m enjoying watching the people shed and step away from their protective social and physical shells. Faces are relaxing, smiles are coming easily. We are building a community, overcoming perceived limitations.
