First Descents, Day 6

It’s Friday evening and I’m sitting in the Otter Bar living room. It has been an absolutely wonderful day.

We started the day with Peter, the lead trainer explaining the various levels of risk, and how they move us from ho-hum to adventure to peak adventure to disaster. We ran down a category 2+ section of rapids yesterday. I dumped out of the boat twice. One of our campers, a sarcoma survivor that had to have is leg amputated flipped over in a rapid yesterday. He got hurt and couldn’t get in a Kayak today. It was a huge bummer because he is such a go-getter the whole time, despite a very challenging situation.
Maneuvering a Kayak is pretty much a two-leg gig. You have to use you knees to bank and turn. Anyway, when he was hurt and couldn’t paddle. The lead trainer was very affected by this, and he decided that for today we would run the same rapids, but with less supervision. This was a way to bring up the level of risk and adventure.

I felt pretty tense by the time this talk was over. I didn’t want to miss the two rapids that I couldn’t handle today. So I began preparing my mind with positive focus on the way out. I saw myself coming through the rapids o.k.

We put out, and soon enough it was time to run the rapid that kicked my ass the last time. I spend most of the ride over focusing on how great it would feel to get through it. So I entered it, followed the tongue down through some pretty big tossing rapids, and then I was o.k. I got into a relatively safe zone and raised my paddle in the air with both hands. It was awesome. And such was the case for the rest of the day. I ran all of the rapids without falling. I kept balanced and focused and was totally in it. And after getting through the second rapid that I rolled on yesterday, I was so happy. Before we knew it, we were above the last rapid, and it was almost over.
Everyone got through it. And that was then end of our time on the river.

I wish I could do it again tomorrow. Today I really felt I needed the trainer to go through before I did so I could see the way. Now I think it would be o.k.
For me to go on my own, which was what the trainer wanted us to do, but I felt with my memory, it would be better to go that way. Really once I got into each rapid it was me doing what I needed to get my boat down to then next eddy.

I organized several of the staff and campers to set up Peter, the main trainer, and pour a jug of water over his head. That was lots of fun.

The rest of the day was cool. We listened to Let It Be on the way home. It was so nice.

So tonight has been cool. Sat in the Jacuzzi when we first got back. I took a bunch of pictures and filled out a couple of surveys.

We filled out thank you cards for the staff and trainers and ate dinner. We went back to the training pond and exchanged ribbons. Linda, the nurse gave me hers and said that I had really learned a lot from me.
She felt like if she ever got cancer, she knew how she would respond to the situation. She would take what she learned from what I have done and apply it to her life.

Also, a couple of other people said that my story and poetry and story really moved them. It was awesome knowing that I had affected people pretty deeply. We lit candles for the missing camper. It was a wonderful end to the most awesome day I’ve had in a long time.

First Descents, Day 5

Thursday Morning

I’m hoping you’re doing great. I’m very good. It’s our second to last day on the river with First Descents. We just had breakfast. It’s been great since the first day.

Yesterday was pretty casual. We spent some time on the Salmon River, which passes through the Otter Bar’s property. It runs pretty low in the late summer so we couldn’t kayak any distance. I practiced pointing the boat upstream into rapids and wet rescues.

The boats were talking to me this morning as I was out in the fire break meadow practicing Tai Chi. They want to get out on the river and hit some rapids. Each day I’m more attuned with fun and trepidation fades. We’ve practiced for 4 days and now comes the two days of using what we learned and having fun. We’ll still practice, but we’re pretty much into being on the river and enjoying the ride. I’m very psyched….

Thursday Evening

We’re back from the river, so the good news is everyone is alive. One of my brain tumor survivor friends, Ariella, was able to come along on the raft, but couldn’t kayak. She started to get a headache yesterday and has a long history of migraines, even before the whole brain tumor thing started. Unfortunately, she had to take a Vicodin today and just ride on the raft. She was a really good sport about it, but we all wished she could come along Kayaking.

We put in and immediately hit a hefty rapid. There was a nut missing on one of the foot adjustments on my boat. We discovered that after my boat tipped. I was going to wait for a rescue, but I ended up just popping out. So about 3 minutes into the day, I had a wet exit.
At least it wasn’t because I pulled the safety strap. I was just out. And I got my first oral enema.

Peter, the lead trainer was there as soon as I came up and got me calmed down and on track right away. We went down another rapid and I made it through. On the next one I hit a rock, and was about to get out of it, but one of the other survivors hit me from behind and in I went. I rolled over and hit the rock, and was kind of being punched against it for a few seconds so I bailed. I just missed a wet rescue, but oh well, I came up laughing.

It was a really fun day. We did 3 or 4 more strong rapids and I managed to say up. It was a lot of fun, and again, I was totally there. I didn’t’ have any other thoughts in my head other than I was floating on the river, enjoying the view, or I was on the rapids and trying to follow the smart person. I just do what I can to imitate what they’re doing, and so far it has worked well.

Well, we’ve got one more day and I’m headed back to So Cal and you. I hope you’re doing well. Please send my love to everyone, and if you have a chance, please ask Chewie and Danny if they want to help you call Kari and wish her a happy birthday.

Otter Bar Day 4

Wednesday

It is Wednesday afternoon. I thought today would be the day I learned to roll up when my kayak tips over. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to do that. I got in the water and did some warm-up paddling, going into eddies and with rescues. I’m pretty confident that if I flip I’ll be able to get out without a wet exit, which means I won’t pull the release on my skirt. I’m not, at least this time, going to be able to learn how to roll myself upright. I was practicing rolling up with one of our instructors, Leah. The first basic part of rolling up is using pressure from the right knee to get the boat moving towards being right side up. I was up and down about 20 times, and started to get it, but then my left ear started hurting. The next time I came up, everything was spinning. It was like being on a merry go round. We waited for a little while, but nothing changed. So I decided rather than risk having balance issues tomorrow when we’re back on the river, I would quit for the day.

I just took a bunch of pictures of the group, and after that I tried to figure out how to use Apple’s Garage Band to record an interview. I’m sitting out on my room’s porch. A humming bird is buzzing around a little island garden that’s worked into the huge lawn firebreak that surrounds the Otter Bar Lodge. There is a pretty intense forest fire going southwest of us, and the smoke is blowing in this direction. It’s really beautiful here but it would be nice if we didn’t’ have so much ash coming in.

No one is upset by the fires. We’re all in a really good place by now. This has really been a nice break. I’m looking forward to another couple of days on the river.

Well, I’m off to lie down inside where the air is maybe a bit fresher and then maybe a nap?

Otter Bar Day 3

Today was our third day on the water. We went down 5 miles of a calm section of the Klamath River. There were some moderate rapids, which is a step up from yesterday. I got down the river without flipping over, but I did practice wet rescues a couple of times.

Cory, one of First Descents founders, was coaching me one-on-one for most of the day. I explained to him that my plan was to stay above the surface and not get rescued. Nonetheless, learning to deal with rolling over will doubtless come in handy. I did fine staying stable on today’s small rapids and keeping the boat directed where it was supposed to go. I decided the best strategy was to follow exactly where the instructor was going, to the greatest degree possible. That worked out pretty well. I call this, “Follow the smart person.”

I got through the day pretty well. One of the coolest things I realized about whitewater kayaking is that being on the river totally occupies my consciousness. I don't have any monkey mind chattering in the background at all. When it's calm, I'm enjoying beautiful scenery and steeping in the happiness of the people around me. When I'm running rapids, I'm too busy paying attention to have any time to think about anything else. I also love that other than driving the boaters and kayaks to the river, there is no tangible environmental impact in this sport. It’s about flowing with nature, not dominating it, which is pretty damn cool. My treasured discovery for today is peace of mind.

Otter Bar Day 2

Monday

I just had a great day. We went to the Klamath River and tried out the skills we learned yesterday. I felt like I did a lot better in the river than when we were training in the pond at Otter Bar. But then I had yesterday's grueling trial by fire to get me ready. I'm not as tired as I was yesterday. I can row straight and bank the kayak into eddies and then back out into the river’s main current. We also learned to "ferry" across the river, which brings the kayaker to the opposite side of the river without moving up or downstream. We ran some very mild rapids. It was pretty cool knowing what to do.

It has been a great couple of days. It's been awesome meeting everyone here. I had about 12 people this morning at the Tai Chi warm up session. I start each day with a sense of trepidation, but eventually when we start learning what we're going to do, everything is fine. Every day we learn new skills and push ourselves in a new way. We also spend a lot of time reinforcing the skills the instructors taught us on previous days. The people are great. When we get back from the river, we rest up in the beautiful Otter Bar Lodge. It is replete with comfy accommodations and fantastic food. Last night we ate prawn and scallop choppino with a wonderful cheesy herbed risotto and an outstanding baby green salad. Each salad has had its own special dressing. Last nights’ featured delicious praline almonds sprinkled on top.

The place is the gorgeous manifestation of a family's dream. Peter and Kristy Sturges have built 16 buildings on their property in the last two decades. The Otter Bar is almost completely powered with hydroelectric energy. It is outfitted with skylights and florescent bulbs for maximum energy efficiency. There are backup diesel generators, but they don't get much use beyond powering the pumps that keep the kayak practice ponds full and irrigate the swaths of firebreak lawns that separate the Otter Bar from the surrounding forests. Forrest fires have been burning in this remote region of Humboldt County’s forests during the summer season. Just before the Lodge opened this season there was a fire that came within 1/8 of a mile of the complex. Fortunately the Sturges family has spent many years living in this environment, so they know how to prepare for the worst and come out o.k.


Well, I guess that's it for now. We’ll see what adventures tomorrow brings.

First Descents, Day 1

It’s Sunday evening. I just finished my first day with First Descents at The Otter Bar Kayaking School. It was a very physically challenging day and I'm tired. I started this morning doing Chi Kung warm up exercises with a couple of people in the group. After I arrived on and got settled on Saturday evening, I committed to teach these exercises to help people warm up their hips and shoulders for the unique demands of kayaking. I wanted to give something back to First Descents. I felt so grateful for this generous program for Cancer Survivors that teaches participants to learn about kayaking and challenge themselves to accomplish things they might not have thought they could do.

This morning we got our Kayaks set up and adjusted our other safety equipment. We and were in the water pretty quickly after breakfast. The instructors began by flipping us over and turning us back upright. Once I was comfortable with that, I began learning to roll myself over and not panic when I was upside down in the water. At first it was scary, a real exercise in mental control. I wasn't under the water for very long, but it was just kind of freaky when I first started. I learned how to escape from the boat first, which, the instructors stressed, is the least preferable alternative if you flip on white water. Next I learned how to flip my boat over and wait for someone come in to rescue me. Then I had to place my hands on the bow of the boat and roll upright. I learned to use pressure from my knees and bend my waist laterally to roll the boat upright.

Then we learned how to row the boat forward, turn, and then to bank the boat and turn while paddling. It was a lot to remember so much in one day. The last activity was learning to roll the boat upright on our own if we flip. I ended up pooping out before I could learn. I was so tired that the instructions just weren't sticking in my head. I was also hampered by my build, range of motion and limited stamina. Hopefully tomorrow, I'll get it. The instructors suggested I try a different boat tomorrow. I'm kind of heavy for the first boat they gave me. They though it would be easier for me to gain and maintain speed in a larger boat.

So far, this sure has been an adventure. I've already done things I never imagined I would. I'm having a really good time, and being here really is a challenge.

Realities and Refi's

Last May I participated in Brain Tumor Action Week in Washington DC. I received training from the North American Brain Tumor Coalition in how to lobby congress. We visited our Senators and Representatives just before Lance Armstrong and Elizabeth Edwards testified before full congress. Our part was to encourage our senators and representatives to do three things. The first was to end the Medicare waiting period for people who are declared permanently medically disabled because of diseases like cancer. Right now it takes 2 years after a person becomes permanently medically disabled for them to qualify for Medicare. The financial results are often disastrous. The second thing we asked is that May be declared Brain Tumor Awareness Month. The third was for a 6 percent increase in funding for the National Institute of Health (NIH), which has not had an increase since 2002.

When I went to talk with Senator Feinstein’s and Representative Richardson’s health aides, I told them about a friend of mine who was recently widowed. Her husband had succumbed to Melanoma. She was left with substantial debts. The sting of that reality recently hit home again.

I started off Monday after getting back from the LIVESTRONG Summit by signing papers to refinance the house. We’re grateful that we still have a house to live in 3 ½ years after my brain cancer diagnosis. I had some problems with the necessity to draw on what is left of our equity, especially after the housing market has tanked. The fact is, it became necessary. Like most people that find themselves in our situation, we weren’t able to keep up with the bills without accruing some debt. Fortunately we had equity in the house. Hopefully all is set right now. I am still grateful for what we have, but this was a tough pill to swallow.

While I will avoid sharing dirty laundry on this blog and will keep the focus of my communications positive and proactive, I want to share these details from my life to illustrate that cancer has a huge financial footprint. One in two men and one in three women will experience cancer at some time in their lives. If you don’t get it, you will almost certainly know someone who does and may end up being a support person.

I was lucky enough to have income insurance that provided us with a financial foothold when things got slippery. I’ve got 60% of my 2005 earnings, including Social Security Disability and what my policy pays. It has been tough making things work, but somehow they have. Thank goodness I wasn't the only income source in the house. I was able to get Medical to help us through the two year Medicare waiting period. It was a fight. I had to learn a whole new skill set, but eventually I got covered. We were lucky to be California residents. Many other states don’t have this kind of a safety net. If we hadn’t had that, we probably would have lost the house by now.

I strongly encourage anyone who reading this to call our write your Senators and Representatives and make sure they support ending the Medicare waiting period for people who are medically totally medically disabled. I hope you will also encourage them to support increased funding for the NIH. Research to end cancer and many other serious diseases has been slowed down considerably by the halt in funding increases that has occurred during the Bush Administration. On and encouraging note, May has already been declared Brain Tumor Awareness month. With Edward Kennedy’s unfortunate diagnosis, things began to speed up moving in the right direction.

Finally, if you are working and you haven’t already invested in a long-term disability policy, and there is any way you can afford one, they are worth the sacrifice. If we didn’t have that policy, we wouldn’t still be in the house at this point. So this week began with a lesson. I learned it without whole lot of joy, but I’m again trying to remember to be grateful for what I have.

More LIVESTRONG Snapshots

Blog # 4

Entry 3 left off Friday evening, less than halfway through the LIVESTRONG Summit. Saturday was a good day. There was some good advice on marketing and then another group project; we put on a mock fundraiser party. Our event was a lot of fun. I got to read poetry and play Demo Chef - in addition to informing people about LAF and some of the good work they do.

On Saturday evening, the LAF hosted a huge dinner at the Columbus Zoo. I enjoyed the opportunity to talk with new friends. I didn’t walk around the zoo but I had a great time. While riding back to the hotel with Julie and Keith Houston, I realized what I like about the LAF. It empowers individuals to use their expertise to help cure cancer. Other major organizations I have worked with have seemed much more hierarchical. They allow volunteers to be a small cog in the big machine, but innovation and moxie are not necessarily welcome. Their message has been, “You can help with our gig, but don’t push the new ideas. We’re not really that interested in what you are doing, so just hush up and do what is best for you.” The LAF encourages individuals to take charge of their own solutions. There is an entrepreneurial spirit. I appreciate the option to not have to kiss butt in order to do I want to.

Sunday morning at the summit was really nice. I finally connected with the majority of the brain tumor survivors in attendance. I did a lot of networking throughout the summit. Again on Sunday, I collected a lot of cards.

The closing session at the summit was very impressive. It opened with an address from the Governor of Ohio. Then there was a panel with a former director of the NIH, The Chief Medical Correspondent for CNN, the president of Ohio State University, the president of the LAF and Lance Armstrong. It was a very inspiring group. The speakers throughout the summit were all impressive. Friday morning opened with a speech by amazing doctor from Harlem, NY. He is renown for having created a system that helps low income patients learn to navigate the medical system. The outcomes of increased survival time and quality of life have been amazingly positive. On Saturday Morning we started off hearing from a former Surgeon General. John McCain was there on Thursday evening for the Presidential Town Hall. The LAF did a great job bringing in influential people to meet with us. We were very appreciative.

It’s a week since the summit convened. I still haven’t had time to send out information about my book, Lemonade - Notes To Cancer or my workshops on Healing Through Creativity. All things in their time, I suppose. I was glad to meet so many great people while I was in Columbus. It is a nice big little city. I hope I can go back to spend a little more time there.

Oh-Hi-o!

From the LIVESTRONG SUMMIT

Blog #3

I’m hailing from Columbus, OH, where I’m participating in the second LIVESTRONG summit. 800 of the 1000 participants here are cancer survivors. Take that cancer! The event organizers placed me in the fundraising track for breakout sessions. It was a bit intimidating to end up there. I’m a writer and a poet. I’ve had some luck asking friends and family to support my efforts to get out and read poetry at support groups and conferences. I have really appreciated their help, but I’m not so sure how well I can do it on a larger scale. This must be where faith comes in handy, and I get to reckon with there being some reason I ended up where I did.

The first breakout session was pretty fun. They divided our group of about 110 people into 12 smaller teams. They gave us little digital video cameras and assigned us to film commercials for the LIVESTRONG. We had 60 minutes to film a 60 second commercial. Our message needed to support LIVESTRONG’s mission: “To Make Cancer a National Priority. It also had to convince people to donate to the Lance Armstrong Foundation, and share how that can be done. Collaborating in groups to do this was fun, intense, and at times frustrating. We did okay, but there was another group that really nailed the message. Good for them. This project was a pretty good approach to teambuilding. In the next session, a couple that do a lot of fundraising for LAF talked to us about how they have found success. The central message was to work fundraising into something we already have fun with and know.

Since one of my favorite things to do with my friends and family since my diagnosis with brain cancer has been to play softball, I thought a tournament would be a good way to raise funds and have some fun. So now I have an idea for a fundraiser that could actually end up a pretty cool event.

Well, it’s late in the Buckeye state and I have an early date with my LIVESTRONG buddies, so goodnight for tonight. There’s a jazzy piano trickling out of my Mac book. After a quick shower, I’m knockin’ out for hopefully a nice solid night of snooze. Jetlag be gone! As my homie Keith likes to say, “Peace and hair grease.”

Wrick

Blog #2

Alive and well on for the second blog. The building process was surprisingly challenging. It was supposed to be easy, and it almost was, but using my 1990’s skill set on post millennium software created some interesting issues. For instance, since I never publish anything off the cuff, I wrote in Word. Then I copied and pasted the text into Blogger. - and it didn’t show up. Fortunately I had someone blessed with modern day computer acumen to beg help from. So now I know what I write in Word and paste into Blogger has to go into the html clipboard instead of the text clipboard. That’s your blog reader and aspiring blogger tip for the day….

You know how you need to have kids around to program the VCR properly? If nothing else, that question reveals my Worldview and when my technological aptitude started to fall behind. It was a long time ago. VCR’s are on the way out and I never programmed one. Perhaps that is the price I paid for not parenting young children. Once they get to be teens they indulge you, but don’t necessarily want to be bothered explaining what they did. By they time they’re in their 20’s, you’re already spending most of your time repairing the house and you would rather they just made whatever gizmo you’re trying to turn on work. So I got where I’m at on this blog with a lot of help from more patient people who can read directions on a computer monitors and actually apply them to make processes work. I am humbled and grateful for those who love me enough to help me look competent to the rest of the world.

We’re doing okay at ye ol’ lemonade stand, even though so many loved ones are in turmoil. It has been a very busy 3 weeks. A lot of people are rightfully needy. Major life changes are happening and we are the Kool Aide house. So we welcome strays, and we’ll keep it that way, but we are ready for most of the people in our lives to have things start working for them. We want to enjoy watching people succeeding, getting what they want and understanding the challenges they encounter on their journeys. One central theme always seems to be that you can change yourself, your perspective, and you can want what is best for you and others, but you can’t change another person. Well, I suppose that’s not true for parents, who do their best to show their kids the ropes. Molding, shaping, fine-tuning, detailing - these are the parents’ realms. And then some day, most of them get to give up their role and just hope their baby birds have the balance to fly straight and enough sense the stay away from cats.

Well, that’s it for now. Stay away from those cats, unless you are a cat person, in which case I have to say that dogs rule, but that’s just my opinion, and so’s the rest of this stuff.

Peace and Love

Rick

Check out my Slide Show!

Chaos and Opportunity

Opportunity grows in chaos’ fertile soil. This month has brought a nearly overwhelming level of opportunity. People are going through changes at the speed of life and sometimes it’s a rough ride. My grandson is spending lots of time watching Jerry Springer during his visit. Maybe the travails of trailer trash make sense while he processes the unwelcome mess of change that recently landed in his life. The 12 year old girl across the street is a raging cauldron of hormones. She’s not exactly rolling with the changes either. Fortunately they have video games to help them cope.

I’m at a softball game writing my first blog entry. I’ve heard this is the best way to connect with people in Cyber Space, I’m exceeding the scope of my 1990’s computer skill set, post THC and brain surgery. Now here’s a live account of a Friday evening Recreation D Co-Ed softball game: Neither side’s defense was the greatest in the 1st inning, but there’s a strong feeling among on our team that all will be o.k. The cirrus clouds are fading from yellow to orange. Bobby waits for his at bat while the opposing pitcher warms up. Our catcher’s suggested strategy: “Wait for your pitch.” He hits a single on pitch #4. Then Megan’s single advances Bobby to third. It’s only a matter of time. The opposing pitcher walks our next batter to load the bases. Loaded bases…will chaos or opportunity prevail? Is there a difference? Looking up and the clouds are darkened to purple and gray.